I spent ten years as an assistant dean at an honors program at a large state university. Every spring, we would host four big recruiting events for students who were admitted to our program. The day included panels, speeches, presentations, an information fair, lunch with faculty, and even a performance from the glee club. In the morning, our staff gave an overview of the honors program. The presentation included information about honors courses, writing a thesis, faculty mentors, study abroad, and our very popular honors housing. I oversaw our four honors housing locations and fielded many questions about housing and residence life throughout the day. Although a few incoming students planned to live at home and commute to campus, most of our students planned to live in a residence hall. 

Families were typically anxious about the experience of living with a roommate. Since we were a state university, most students had friends from high school who were also considering attending our school. Many students thought living with a friend from home was the best way to ensure a suitable roommate. I always advised against this idea and encouraged students to explore other roommate options. While living with a friend from home does, of course, occasionally work out well, it is equally often a disaster. I also pointed out that if both friends live with someone new, students can quickly double the number of people they meet.

The qualities of a good first-year roommate are different from the qualities of a good high school friend. High school friends do not live together. If one friend is messy and stays up late, and the other is very neat and gets up early to run six miles, it does not impact the friendship. As roommates living together in a small room, these differences can strain the friendship, and this tension can make adapting to college life more challenging. The ideal first-year college roommates often have compatible living styles but completely different friend groups.

Three ways to find a roommate

Trust your school

I generally recommend letting colleges assign first-year roommates. In my experience, this approach tends to produce the best results. Residence life and housing offices have a lot of experience matching students. These offices know what questions to ask, the layout of the residence halls, and the strengths of the student and professional staff assigned to each building. However, students must answer the housing questionnaire honestly for this option to work well.

Apply for special interest housing

Many schools have separate residence halls for specific communities or interests. Special interest housing narrows the pool of potential roommates and can increase the chances of a good match. Choosing to live in this type of housing frequently comes with significant benefits, including a strong sense of community, exclusive events, mentors, advisers, and courses.

Carefully choose a roommate

If students decide to select their own roommates, they first need to take some time to think carefully about their habits and preferences. Only after reflecting on their own living styles can students have an honest, wide-ranging conversation with potential roommates. The conversation should include topics such as sleep schedules, courses, noise, and neatness. Students must also discuss how they prefer to handle common issues like borrowing each other’s items, visitors, and overnight guests.

However students find a first-year roommate, completing all components of the college’s housing process on-time is crucial. As soon as students get their roommate (or possibly roommates!), they need to get in touch. Summer is a great time for roommates to start to get to know each other, set some initial ground rules for the room, and, of course, figure out who wants to bring what items. 

Once students arrive on campus, they should be sure to meet their resident assistant (RA). RAs generally receive comprehensive training and are skilled in assisting residents with a wide range of personal issues, including roommate conflicts. Additionally, most college orientation programs include information about how to approach common roommate issues and provide sample roommate contracts. 

Living with a roommate will be a new experience for most students, but it can be rewarding as long as students bring some flexibility, patience, and an open mind!

About the author

Karen Dentler has over 20 years of experience in higher education. She has held positions in student life and academic administration at Rutgers University, Princeton University, and Carnegie Mellon University. Dentler has her MA in higher education from the University of Michigan and a BA in philosophy from Colgate University.

Dentler is the author of Go to Class: How to Succeed at College, a gift book for college-bound students. The book is full of engaging tips about how to thrive at college. Go to Class provides authentic insider secrets from an experienced higher education professional.

Learn more at collegegiftbook.com.

Connect with her on Facebook and Instagram @collegegiftbook.